bing bong it's me!

💌 life in van (the highlights & lowlights)

damn, 2023 really just flew by like that. it feels wild that last year, 30 minutes after we started the new year, i was having a full-on meltdown in my car as i was driving home, as i was hit with the realization that i did not know what i was doing in life, and just felt so inferior to all my friends who were further along in life than i was. to be honest, i still don’t think i have those answers and am still terrified/excited about the future, but i think i’m coping with these realizations better. we’re manifesting no meltdowns for joos this trip.

anyways, this month was all about beginning to develop self-confidence and being my own hype-man. this included things such as:

• learning the consequences of not setting boundaries in different areas of my life: understanding that i need a break sometimes, whether from work, friends or family and it’s okay to take a step back and recharge, instead of burning myself out. by understanding how precious my time and energy is, and how i should spend them strategically on things that fill my cup, rather than things that drain me (i.e. working stupid overtime vs. going night-time skating with niall & our neighbours downstairs) 🍵

• learning what i need in a therapist, and finding one that embodies those traits: all the therapists i’ve ever had in my life kept agreeing and validating my thoughts, which consistently frustrated me because i didn’t want someone who would just blindly nod at things i said, but needed someone to provide a different perspective. in the past three months, my therapist, mabelle (my harvard queen 👑) has called me out on 1000000x different things (mostly on how i have a self-limiting mindset) and has helped me reframe some of my beliefs.

• learning how to use self-affirming language (did you notice how i haven’t used “i think” at all in this newsletter?): this is something that was first brought to my attention at work, where a senior manager commented that i should be using my self-affirming language in meetings because my ideas and thoughts were valuable. they noticed that i would always say things like “i could be wrong but….” or “i think this…”. instead, i’ve been encouraged to say things like “in my opinion,…” or get to the point directly.

okay, moving onto december gratitudes (i feel like 2023 highlights are toooo broad - too many good things happened this year 💘)

• remi visiting @ the beginning of the month & us getting to go to work together every morning

• boardgames, creating 2024 visionboard & big way with the hotpot homies (all separate occasions but i have grouped them into one)

• SENDING MY FIRST FOUR HEX AT THE HIVE (even though niall would say it’s a soft four)

and some december anti-gratitudes:

• all the overtime i’ve had to pull, and missed climbing sessions 😞

• my bank account after all the $$$ i’ve spent on xmas gifts and the holidays

• all the sweaty people at the d&b gig we went to (someone stepped backwards into me and i got a face full of sweat 💦)

👩🏻‍💼 corporate girlbossing without girlbossing too hard

fuck guys, this month at work was brutal. i’m sure most (if not all of you) have heard that i’m not making senior consultant in 2024 (which is such a bummer bc niall’s visa literally expires in march 2025). this ultimately means i have to stay at EY until 2026, assuming i make the promotion in 2025. i’ve already moved through the stages of grief, and now i think i’m at the acceptance point. it just sucks though, as it delays my plans of moving to london by a year.

work has also been pretty busy this month, with unhinged overtime (aka working from 7am until midnight or 1 am for weeks on end) and super tight deadlines because everyone wants things wrapped up by year end. ultimately, despite pulling that (did i mention it was unpaid?) overtime, i wasn’t able to complete my deliverables on time, due to the client not being able to send me sometime by the time i left for holidays.

while i was pretty disappointed in myself for not making these deadlines, i’m learning that in work, not everything will go to plan, and that projects will always carry over and be slightly delayed. we don’t operate in a perfect world of peak efficiency, and now, i’m starting to wonder if the emotional & physical damage from overtime was worth it… and even if this stressful career is worth it.

i might be a wee bit dramatic atm, as i have just woken up at 6am to prep for a 7am call with my client, so this might be the lack of sleep and tiredness kicking in, but this month has really made me think about deeper what i want to do after EY.

🥤 sipping joos

• guys, don’t judge me but i literally can’t stop listening to newjeans 👖 if they come to vancouver, i will be going to their concert

• also been a slut for studio ghibli lately (my studio ghibli phase has resurfaced after watching the boy & the heron - for those who have watched the film, let me know your thoughts! i’ve heard some people lovveee the movie, while others don’t think it’s that good)

• SINGLES INFERNO - guys i know we’re only on episode 4 but i can’t help but compare this season to the previous two, and i’m not gonna lie, i miss how wholesome the last two seasons were compared to this one. i haven’t been inclined to root for anyone in particular, and the guys are kind of bland this season…. (except gwan-hee but he’s kind of a dick). hopefully this season gets better - i just miss my queen nadine on netflix

📈 personal stats i want to track